One Year Ago...

A year ago tonight my heart was breaking. A year ago I was trying to make sense of something I couldn't believe was happening. A year ago I miscarried our precious baby. I was just 6 weeks along...but the baby was already ours, already loved. A year ago I traveled back and forth to many doctor appointments over the course of a week. EVERY time I was in the car one song would be playing on the radio... I Will Not Be Moved, by Natalie Grant. I had loved this song for a long time...but it took on a whole new meaning a year ago.

I have been a wayward child,
I have acted out,
I have questioned sovereignty,
and had my share of doubts,
And though sometimes,
my prayers feel like their bouncing off the sky,
the hand that holds won't let me go,
and is the reason why
I will stumble, I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes, I will face heartache,
But I will not be moved
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand,
I will not be moved
Bitterness has plagued my heart, many times before,
My life has been a broken glass, and I have kept the score,
of all my shattered dreams, and though it seemed,
that I was far too gone, my brokenness helped me to see,
it's grace I'm standing on.
I will stumble, I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes, I will face heartache,
But I will not be moved
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand,
I will not be moved
And chaos in my life,
has been a badge I've worn,
and though I have been torn,
I will not be moved
I will make mistakes, I will face heartache,
But I will not be moved
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand,
I will not be moved

I can't tell you the number of tears I shed and the conversations I had with God during those car rides...but God was and has been so faithful to me. He brought me through one of the deepest valleys I have ever been in. And now as I sit here I know how blessed I truely am. I know the hurt and heartache of losing a little one. I also know the joy and blessing of another little one. Ruthie will be 2 months old tomorrow. Wow... God is good.